The Soundtrack of My Life

I stole this from Teddy over at The Gideonse Bible after my first (and probably last) foray into digital music. It's the soundtrack to the movie of your life. It was the only consolation to the sad, sorry realization that my free 14 day trial on Rhapsody did not allow me to actually download music...that I would have to pay for. Once my trial is up, all my vast music library is gone. You can see I am not techno savvy after all.

So, before my one and only digital music library disappears, here is the soundtrack of my life.

Here's how you do it:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...
7. When you're finished tag some other people to do it!

Opening Credits: "Freakshow," Ani DiFranco

I suppose there could not be a more appropriate opening song than this....welcome to the freakshow! I love Ani...her honesty, rage and edge. What a good song to begin my story of radical revolution!

"life in the circus ain't easy
but the folks on the outside don't know
the tent goes up and the tent comes down
and all that they see is the show
and the ladies on the horses look so pretty
and the lions are looking real mad
and some of the clowns are happy
and some of the clowns are sad

but underneath
there's another expression
that the makeup isn't making
life under the big top
it's about freedom
it's about faking
there's an art to the laughter
there's a science
and there's alot of love
and compliance

welcome to the freakshow
here we go..."

Waking Up: "Murder By Numbers," The Police

Okay...so, this could be a bad omen...perhaps revolution takes the form of psychopathic, homicidal rage in this movie...gee, I hope not, but I could definitely imagine it happening. Perhaps this is an ode to Heathers. I suppose it could have been worse...Roxanne might have made an interesting waking song.

Once that you've decided on a killing
First you make a stone of your heart
And if you find that your hands are still willing
Then you can turn a murder into art

First Day of School: "Shed a Little Light," James Taylor

My conscientization began at an early age...

"Oh, let us turn our thoughts today
To martin luther king
And recognize that there are ties between us
All men and women
Living on the earth
Ties of hope and love
Sister and brotherhood"

Falling in Love: "I Still Believe in My Friends," The Nields

"I never wanted to be much of a martyr
Don't worry baby it can't get any harder,
Then it gets harder
And I can't carry you anymore
What doesn't kill you will make you stronger
I'm not dead yet so I must be stronger
Then it gets longer
Counting all the moments I can sit alone with you in the dark."

A depressing sort of love song...It gets better and more hopeful eventually. Perhaps this is a scene of falling in love while in the midst of high school angst with my best friend to whom I had been previously blind to our fated love connection. See any John Hughes film for examples. The Nields were another college love that got lost in the stacks until now.

First Song: "A Home" by the Dixie Chicks

Foreshadowing of the melancholic unlucky in love theme that will pervade this film...I was disappointed that this was the Chicks song that came instead of "Not Ready to Make Nice" which I think makes a very good theme song for my life!

"Not a night goes by
I don't dream of wandering
Through the home that might have been
And I listened to my pride
When my heart cried out for you
Now every day I wake again
In a house that might have been
A home"

Breaking Up: "I Feel the Blues Movin' In," Dolly Parton, Emmy Lou Harris, Linda Ronstadt

Shuffle and fate do make a good movie...a little bluegrass blues about cheating, lying, no-good partners. Gotta love Dolly!

"The last letter that you wrote was on a blue piece of paper
That old feelin's back the clouds are moving in
The beginning of the end is near I feel your love has faded
Into darkness it seems I have no friend I feel the blues movin' in"

Prom: "Out In the Cold," Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Well, it is a good dancing tune...though the lyrics suggest a horrible prom experience. I suppose this would not be so far off the truth remembering my own prom memories. I actually associate Tom Petty with road trips. It is really quite good driving music.

"I'm out in the cold (out in the cold)
Body and soul (out in the cold)
There's nowhere to go (out in the cold)
I'm out in the cold (out in the cold)"

Driving: "Don't Take Your Guns to Town," Charlie Robinson, cover of Johnny Cash.

Back to the murderous, rebellious rage first foreshadowed in my waking up at the beginning of the film. Obviously, this song is played as I am driving toward some climactic confrontation scene. The question is, do I heed the song or enact the sad, sorry tragedy of little ole Bill?

"Filled with rage then
Billy Joe reached for his gun to draw
But the stranger drew his gun and fired
Before he even saw
As Billy Joe fell to the floor"

Flashback: "Leeds," Indigo Girls.

A very reflective, melancholy memory of pain and loss surfaces...

"It's dark at four PM in Leeds the steeples pierce the skylight till the last of it bleeds
The absent sound of another day as it recedes into the shadows until it's nothing
Fax papers slipped under the hotel room door like food for the prisoner or the prospect to the whore. Well fed and halfway drunk I ache myself for more until I'm shadows of myself until I'm nothing"

Starting a New Relationship: "Big Beautiful Spoon," Poi Dog Pondering.

Just perfect! A sweet song of cuddly new love...particularly apt since I love to spoon! In fact, Josh and I spooned long before we ever dated. I love Poi Dog Pondering...it's one of those bands I listened to endlessly in college, only to be resurrected through my short lived foray into my online unlimited music library.

"Wrap around me and curl, you big beautiful spoon
The thought of your touch and smell just makes me swoon
When you lay me down, my heart is still as a pond
Together like two spoons until dawn."

Wedding: "Mountain Angel," Dolly Parton

Well, it looks like this marriage won't last long....

"She gave up everything for him that mattered in her life
All the others that had loved her and she vowed to be his wife
She dreamed of bearing children in an ivy-covered house
The mountain angel's sunshine turned to clouds
The wicked handsome stranger left the way he came
Broke her heart and broke her mind
She never was the same
They say he was the devil
That had come to steal her soul
She never loved another it was told"

Birth of Child: "Desperate Housewives Theme," Danny Elfman.

I am not sure how this song made it into my library. I don't even watch the show...though it is quite fitting.

Final Battle: "Woh, Don' You Know," James Taylor.

Despite all the early murderous musings, there is in fact no final confrontation...rather I just pack my bags and head off into the sunset.

"Listen here now, don't you come 'round
Talkin' bout over yonder
Bound to wake up the walkin' man in me
And I'm bound to wanderin'"

Death Scene: "Watershed," Indigo Girls.

Can't you just see me crossing over to the other side as this tune plays in the background? This is, in fact, one of my all-time favorite Girls tunes, coming in second only to Closer to Fine.

"Thought I knew my mind
Like the back of my hand
The gold and the rainbow
But nothing panned out as I planned
And they say only milk and honeys
Gonna make your soul satisfied
Well I better learn how to swim
Cause the crossing is chilly and wide"

Funeral Song: "One Big Love," Patti Griffin

A fitting goodbye ritual...

"I guess Im taking my chances
Giving up the ring throwing in the gloves
I guess Im taking my chances
Trading in my things for a couple wings on a
Little white dove"

End Credits: "All I Wanna Do," Sheryl Crow

A good, upbeat ending to what was a sad, depressing, yet committed life. After that summary, I hope this is not a reflection of life to come.

"All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one"

Remember the Communist Threat

Remember the Communist threat over at The Asphalt Playground...

Mission Accomplished

For nearly a year now I have been on a less than noble mission to obtain the ALIAS tv theme song as my ringtone. It began last spring as the show approached the end of it's five year run. I needed something to take with me, something to hold on to the magic that was Sydney and company. I also thought it would be wicked cool (as they say in MA) and would in some small way allow me to live in to my own fantasies of traveling the globe in sexy costumes while simultaneously kicking ass on the "bad guys" of the world. I could even play it to myself when I engaged in spy missions of my own...my friend Julie and I have some very interesting ideas for creating change in our denomination.

I became obsessed.

I spent hours on the Internet searching and searching, pouring over ALIAS fan chat sites (many of whom were also frustrated at their own inability to secure the theme for themselves). Twice I was so close I could taste it, but both times it turned out that either my carrier or phone were not compatible with the supplier's site.

For a while I gave up...depressed and defeated I settled for sub-optimal ringtones such as "VooDoo Woman" and the theme song from Charlie's Angels. Then, in a renewed wave of self-pity and dissertation desperation I began my search once again. I went to the ABC web store convinced they may have updated the site and added new phone models...but they had not.

In the past I had rejected the notion of needlessly buying a new phone in order to get the ringtone, but now, well, now things were different. I just had to have that ring tone. The only problem was that the phones ABC listed as compatible were all old models. I would have to search craigslist for used phones. And so I did. Miraculously, I found a slightly used Samsung e715, abandoned by its previous teenage owner for lack of a cool quotient (though she told her father it was b/c she could not dial long distance on that model....I contemplated telling him it was merely an adolescent ruse to get a cooler model, but didn't want to risk losing my one and only chance at ringtone happiness).

Having driven an hour and a half to get pick up the phone, I was ecstatic to finally have it in my hands. I immediately switched cards and put the new phone to my ear, feeling what it would be like to now have the phone of my dreams. I admit, it almost felt like I was cheating on a beloved, dear friend. My old, ALIAS-less cell phone lay on the car seat discarded. While the new phone was compatible with the ringtone, its buttons seemed cold and hard and it felt out of place in my palm. Nevertheless, there was no turning back now.

Racing home I went to the ABC site, punched in the code and waited for my ringtone to appear...I waited and waited and waited. Nothing. I then sent a text message begging for the tune and received the fateful, sad message: "ACCESS DENIED." I was crushed. This could not be. The website said my new/old e715 would be compatible. It had to work.

I waited days in sad hopelessness, but could not give up. I went to the T-Mobile store and embarrassed myself with the young salesperson who said with disdain, "Ma'am, I'm sorry. I don't know what this abc site is you're talking about." She suggested I let the card stay in my new phone for several hours and then try again.

I went home filled with hope...it would work this time. I waited the requisite 2 hours, went to the website and discovered that finally after over a year they had upgraded the website and all phones were now compatible. I felt cheated and horrible. I bought this crappy old phone for nothing??? I went ahead and sent it to the new phone anyway. Again, I waited and waited and waited. Nothing. Maybe, this old model is no longer compatible. So, I sent it to Josh's phone (same model as my original beloved). It worked! All I had to do was change the cards back and wait....victory was at hand.

But two days later, I waited and waited and waited and NOTHING. For some mysterious reason the web message could not get through to my phone, no matter how many times I tried.

God hated me.

But then, just when I almost succumbed to defeat I had the bright idea of switching cards with Josh and sending the ringtone to old beloved phone via his phone number. Josh was sure this would not work...but it did!! I actually did a little dance of joy around the house after hearing it ring for the first time!

Mission accomplished.

So if you want to make me happy, call me on my cell and imagine me dancing in to the tune of ALIAS.

PS I may not answer quickly since I now so enjoy my ringtone!

Refreshed

I just returned from another Wild Women's week at Tenants Harbor. Earlier this fall I went for just a day with a few of the women in our group, but last week all (but one) of us gathered for four days of rest, relaxation and ritual.

It was fabulous!

Being at Tenants Harbor is always a liminal experience. It is as if for those few days we go outside of time and space to create an oasis of safety, love, trust and nourishment. On the margins of society, neither here nor there, we create space through ritual and sharing for our own individual and communal transformation. This time we framed our time there with two rituals. The opening ritual crafted a safe circle "on the margins of patriarchy" in which we could exist for the week, while the closing ritual banished all the "unwanted guests" of pain and struggle that had been conjured up and released during our time together. Fear, guilt, anxiety, certain-people-left-unnamed (at least for the purposes of public sharing), expectations and burdens were all cast out leaving us refreshed and able to engage the world once again.

I've spent most of my academic career studying feminist theology, often times in a very abstract and intellectual way. Yet this group allows me to truly embody this theory. Daly's gyn-rgy, Morton's hearing to speech, Russell's open table ecclesiology and Ruether's woman church become not just ideas but reality. Part of the power we derive from these rituals comes from a deep sense of trust between members of this group. It is not just a matter of acting out or performing the theory, but rather allowing it to be birthed from within a circle of trust and assurance...a circle that we have built over the past eleven years of gathering together by sharing with one another our deepest wounds and greatest joys.

Sucker

It did not take long for Zoe to learn that I am indeed a sucker for dogs!

My dogs discovered this fact long ago which makes it nearly impossible for me to get work done while at home. If they aren't jumping in my lap for attention or lapping at their food bowls for more, they are incessantly nudging and prodding me to let them out...every 10 %$#!@ minutes.

To escape this canine insanity I have taken to working anywhere but home...in coffee shops , cafes, libraries and now this week at a friends' apartment. I agreed to walk their dog, Zoe, three times a day in exchange for a little peace and quiet. Zoe is a retired greyhound and in general very low key. The first two days I was here I practically had to beg her to go out with me. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Life was good. Perhaps we should have adopted greyhounds instead of energetic mutts, I mused.

However, today Zoe discovered my weakness.

The fact of the matter is, like it or not, I have been extremely well-trained by my own dogs to respond immediately when pooches pester me to go out. Always slightly fearful a denial of their request will lead to an unfortunate and smelly accident, I leap to my feet when prompted. This Zoe figured out. Within two hours, she had me on four walks. My only respite was to take her to the park in hopes of wearing her out.

And so here we are, back at home, an exhausted pooch panting on her bed and her well-trained sucker of a playmate waiting for her next request.

53 Pages and Counting...

Well, I am indeed "writing in earnest." To date I have 53 usable pages...15 on an introductory chapter outlining my work, 12 on the conflict in the UMC over membership and sexuality, and 26 on the dual ecclesiological influences on the ecclesial praxis of John Wesley.

The good news is that I am 1/6 of the way finished in terms of my original page goals. The bad news is that I have not even started on the chapters I intended to write. The bulk of what I have written was an afterthought to merely set up my analysis. I still have 5 chapters on Wesley, three chapters on homos in the UMC, and at least two chapters of analysis.

I will finish my dissertation. I will finish my dissertation. I will finish my dissertation.

NOTE: Make that 57...

NOTE: Make that 65...too bad none of it is really usable...

One More Thing the Christian Right Has Ruined For Me

I have a confession...I love the song, Baby Got Back, by Sir Mixalot. It began as part of a college rebellion that hoped to embrace altnertaive body image for women (despite the obvious sexism and misogyny embedded in the song)...

So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sista, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her"

We loved the song so much it became part of the sacred trinity of dance music we would listen to before going partying on campus (for those of you dying to know, the other two were Like a Prayer and The Sign). Lest you think it was a mere college infatuation, you should know I also taught this song to my English students in Nicaragua (they wanted to know a rap song and it's all I knew) and even had it sung to me at my wedding (thank you, Elizabeth and Tushi)!

Needless to say, the song holds great meaning and memory for me...so, you must imagine my horror when I found this online:

The Wages of Racism

Here is another example of the way racism works to divide us all.

__________________

NOTE: There has been an update on this ruling...Idle Rambling Thoughts posted this today.

TAHLEQUAH, Okla. - In a split ruling, the Cherokee Nation's highest court today reversed a prior decision regarding the citizenship of Freedmen. The court ruled unconstitutional the Cherokee Nation's law requiring citizens to trace their ancestry to a person with either Cherokee, Shawnee or Delaware blood. The ruling means that the Cherokee Nation's citizenship roll is now open to the descendants of Freedmen who were included in the Dawes Rolls of the Five Civilized Tribes.

The full ruling from the Cherokee Nation Judicial Appeals Tribunal can be found on the Cherokee Nation's Web site, www.cherokee.org