A Tale of Travel Woe

Last week we traveled to Greenville, SC to visit with Josh's family for Christmas. Since I work all day on Christmas Eve and since, in general, travel on Christmas day is never very busy, we decided to book a flight to arrive in time for Josh's family reunion and dinner. For once, we were going to be with family on a major Christian holiday. Yeah...or so we thought.

In order to make it there in time for the noon meal, we had to leave at the god-awful hour of 6 am...meaning leaving the house by 4 am, meaning getting up at 3 am. Yet, the promise of a real Christmas family dinner was enough to lure me out of bed with only 3 hours of sleep.

We arrived at the airport in plenty of time. In fact, we were the first people there. As we sat down, we noticed that not only was the plane already there, ready to go, but the entire crew was waiting at the gate to get in. This had to be a good sign! We waited and waited and waited. Looking at our watch we realized it was past time to board....hmmm....the plane is here, the crew is here, what could be the problem? It was then we heard the voice on the intercom, echoing down the corridor from the flight scheduled to leave at the same time as ours...

"Ladies and gentelmen, may I please have your attention Flight Whatever to Wherever will be boarding late. Northwest has a shortage of gate agents this morning since many called in sick. I am the only gate agent available which means I will not be able to assist you with any needs other than boarding you. I am sorry for the inconvenience."

No gate agents? Apparently, everyone from Northwest called in sick so that they could go to their family Christmas dinner, leaving stranded passengers to fend for themselves. With no one else available to open the !?&@ing door, we had to wait until the other flight left before the crew could even board and ready the craft for flight. After finally boarding at ten to seven, I looked out my window to see that the luggage was just now being brought out to the plane to load. I watched as the luggage slowly went one by one on the conveyor belt. We were never going to leave.

Slightly anxious that we were going to miss our flight, I asked our flight attendant (who had set off a four alarm gaydar alert earlier), if he could give us the information about our connecting flight, "when he had the chance." I thought I was being very considerate and patient given what was happening. Wouldn't you know that queen snapped at me as if I had asked him for the moon. "I don't have that information! How would you expect me to know that? I have no way of knowing," and with that he turned back around to the current flight drama of a pale elderly woman and the nurse he found to care for her. Later in the flight, I overheard him saying to the nurse, "You know, some guy back there complained about how long I took to get his drink and I said to him, 'You know we have a medical emergency going on up here. Don't you think this woman's life is worth more than your drink?' Can you believe some people?" Of course, not five minutes after our flight attendant declared he had no way of finding out this information, did the other flight attendant patiently list out the connecting flights for the couple behind us, even calling back and forth to the cockpit to get the latest updates.

We had a glimmer of hope as we approached our destination when the pilot announced that many flights were being held...Jamaica, Cancun, Seattle...but not Greenville. While they could hold large, full flights to exotic locations, they could not hold our commuter flight (that runs from Memphis to Greenville and back again) just 14 minutes for us to make the connection. We missed our flight.

In general, I am not someone who gets angry with airline personnel. I didn't complain when I was stuck at O'Hare for 10 hours or when I was snowed in at Boston. Even during a 16 hour delay in the nasty Pittsburgh airport during the US Air strike in the early 90s did I ever complain to a soul. But now, I was furious. This was my one chance to have a normal family celebration and I was going to miss it. Not because of weather or plane malfunctions, but because some !$%*? called in sick to spend Christmas at home.

I know that airlines are not liable for missed flights due to weather or equipment malfunctions, but this was an error of the company who failed to have enough staff on duty to board the flights. Surely, we would be compensated for our lost Christmas.

At the gate, I asked the man handing out the revised itineraries if we would be able to have our money refunded or receive vouchers since the airline screwed up. Again, you would have thought I asked for his arm or leg..."No. You have a flight scheduled for this afternoon. Why do you think you would get your money back? It is not my fault. Look, here is a compensation packet with a $10 food voucher and $25 off your next flight. Move along. If you want to complain call the customer number. Don't tell me."

Okay, so let me get this right, I spent close to $700 for this flight to get me to Christmas dinner and because of a staffing failure, I miss my flight, lose out on Christmas dinner and the family get together and get a measly $10 voucher and a $25 coupon to fly this %$#^ airline again??? It was insulting. I was enraged.

I had to complain to someone who would take me serious, who would listen to my tale of woe and would care, someone who would refund my money or compensate me for more than $10 worth of disgusting airport food.

First, I called the customer number so lovingly given to me by the oh-so-kind gate agent.

"I'm sorry. No one is available to take your call. Please call again tomorrow."

Then, I called the 1-800 number. After waiting 20 minutes, listening to cheesy, happy musak, I finally got a real live person, who when I told her my tale of woe, sighed and said, "Awwwhhhhh, that must just be awful." Yes! Yes, it is. She understands. She said she could give me a refund. This wasn't so hard afterall was it!!

"Well, ma'am, I'll go ahead and cancel your flights for today."

"Cancel my flights? But, I'm still in Memphis. I need to get to Greenville or Boston at the least."

"Well, Ma'am, I'm sorry, but the only way to get your money back is to stay in Memphis."

"But, I don't live in Memphis. My family doesn't live in Memphis. Why the %&%#^ would I want to stay in Memphis?!?"

"So, you are saying that you don't want to stay in Memphis, is that right?"

"Uh. no. Why would I want to stay in Memphis???"

"Well, I'm terribly sorry Ma'am, but I can only refund your money if you cancel your flight. If you would like compensation, you need to call another number or see the ticketing office."

The other number, as you probably guessed it, would be the number I already tried.

So, off I went to the ticket agent. The woman on the phone told me if I complained enough they would give me my money back and by now I was getting well versed at complaining...though it didn't seem to do me any good.

I waited for what seemed an eternity at the ticket window, even though there was no one else in line. By now, tears had begun to flow, I was sniffling and sobbing and was really quite a scene in and of myself...just not a big enough scene for the agent to actually wait on me. Finally, after describing my whole tale of woe, the agent told me, "Well, Ma'am, I am sorry but I can't help you. You did receive your $10 food voucher, right? That is all we can do. Have a nice day."

"This is not acceptable," I proclaimed and demanded to see a supervisor...who was, as you can guess, unavailable. I refused to leave and so they sent another, actually quite genuinely nice man, Harold, to talk me out of my public scene. Harold and I went through the same you-can-stay-in-memphis-but-i hate-?@&%-memphis conversation for a good five minutes before he finally understood what I wanted.

"Look," I said, "Harold, right? I am sure you don't want to be here at Christmas either. I'm sure you would have liked to have been home with your family too. But you didn't call in sick, did you? You came to work beacuse you care. Harold, I am missing my family Christmas dinner and reunion simply because someone called in sick to stay at home with their family. It's not because of weather or even equipment failure. It is because of the selfishness of the Boston based crew who called in sick and shirked their duty. Do you understand why I want my money back, Harold, do you?"

It was a monlogue worthy of any Shakesperian drama...okay, well, maybe a cheesy movie of the week. The tears flowing, the earnest pleas all made my case. Surely, he would have pity on me and help me now.

"Well, Ma'am, if you really don't want to stay in Memphis there is nothing I can do. Would you like another food voucher? I can give you $20 more in food."

Of course I didn't want any more worthless vouchers for nasty food...but I took them because if nothing else it was $20 less that Northwest has in their pockets. I ended up giving some away to other stranded passengers and buying more Odwalla juice than I could drink.

You would think by now this never-ending blog post must be winding to an end...but there is more. Our afternoon flight was first delayed because the airline could not find the plane...they knew it was somewhere at the airport, but no clue where exactly. Once they found the plane and we boarded, we waited another hour due to "paperwork" and the fact that air control "did not understand our flight plan."

We finally arrived in Greenville hours after the last family members headed for home. Our saving grace was that Josh's family stayed and waited for us. They had platters of food ready to pop in the microwave and gifts to be unwrapped. Despite our utter exhaustion we managed to have Christmas after all.

This week I send off my poison pen letter to Northwest airlines....and the saga continues.

Merry Christmas!

Today we celebrated Christmas before I had to trudge off to work. All of us loved our gifts!
Beaver in a can!

Fabulous knee high brown boots!
Bones filled with peanut butter yumminess.

Afterwards we sat down to a scrumptious breakfast of Deluxe Town Diner pancakes, sausage, bacon and Peruvian coffee. As I write we are debating which new DVD to watch...my Free to Be You and Me or Josh's Battlestar Galactica Season 1.

Tagged!

Let me preface this by saying I think I answered a version of this at Pastor Mom sometime ago and some individual questions over at Idle Rambling Thoughts...so it may not be worth your reading. But Teddy tagged me...how could I refuse?

• Eggnog or Hot Chocolate? Definately hot chocolate...egg nog makes me want to vomit!
  
• Snow! Love it or hate it? Hmmm...from inside, with a fire-blazing, fluffy white flakes falling and no shoveling to do...love it. When it is wet and dirty and heavy and I have to shovel it, hate it.
  
• Can you ice skate? Ted's answer suffices: I'm from Ohio, not Canada. Of course I can't ice skate.
• When do you put your decorations up? Before St. Nick Night (Dec. 5th) though this year we were late...damn prospectus!
  
• Do you remember your favorite present? My stuffed ET that I didn't think my parents had gotten but magically showed up as the very last gift I unwrapped!
• Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Of course he wraps them. You just have to buy the wrapping paper ahead of time and make sure you set it out in time for him to wrap all the gifts.
  
• Colored lights on tree/house or white? White, in general, particularly around the house. Yet, I do admire a well-done multi-color display that has the right amount of kitsch and nostalgia without going overboard to trashy and tacky.
  
• Do you hang mistletoe? Absolutely!! We have a very silly stuffed mouse that holds it and we place it in front of the front door. Too bad this year in our new apartment we only use the back door. Each year I consider buying real mistletoe...which would be a vast improvement to our plastic-mouse-held bunch...but it so expensive, I can never bring myself to actually purchasing it.
• What is your favorite Christmas dish? Sage stuffing. Mmmmm.
  
• Favorite Christmas memory as a child? Probably the excitement waiting to get back to our house for stocking night (St. Nick Night). That would be the night Santa came to put up the tree and leave our stocking gifts. Funny, my dad was always in such a bad mood after Santa spent hours struggling with strings of lights, gold garland and fake tree branches. It was always wonderful to see the tree for the first time, making sure all the important ornaments were in place and checking for the ones we had made.
• When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? At one point I remember telling my mom that I was fairly certain Santa did not exist, but I was going to keep believeing just in case I was wrong. Nothing like hedging your bets.
• What tops your tree? Nothing. Josh can't find a star that fits his platonic ideal of what a Christmas star should look like. In the past we tried ribbon and bows, but that just looked bad.
  
• Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? As kids...always. We did our Santa gifts on Christmas Eve so that we had time to get to Grandma's house for Christmas dinner the next day. Now that I'm an adult, we do the gifts Christmas Eve morning since I usually work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
  
• What kind of cookies does Santa get set out for him? We always set out oreos and chocolate chip cookies, plus carrots for the reindeers. Santa was always very kind to leave a thank you note for us. Funny, it always resembled my dad's handwriting.
  
• What's the most important thing about Christmas to you? The tree, definately the tree. There is nothing better than lounging on the couch with a cup of tea in front of the Christmas tree. Each year I am convinced that its the best Christmas tree ever! I also quite enjoy buying gifts for other people. It is too bad I am not rich. I would spend every last penny getting just the perfect gifts for friends and familiy...oh wait, I already do that...jus with far less money and much more debt!
  
• What is your favorite holiday dessert? Pumpkin pie from Frisch's Big Boy...who would have thought that Frisch's would have great pie...but they do!
  
• Favorite tradition? Stocking night and trimming the tree...do you see a theme here? For tree trimming parties we make the nasty food treats of our childhood, including pigs in a blanket (for Josh), trisket pizzas, cheese and crackers, sugar cookies from a roll, and the Knorr spinach dip.
  
• Which do you prefer - giving or receiving? Giving...every year I tell myself I am not going to go overboard this year. Just one or two gifts. I make a pact with Josh on spending limits for one another. I practice restraint in stores all year long. I recite mantras, "I will not buy another gift. I will not buy another gift." But every year, without fail, I go whole hog and spend way more money than I can afford to make sure my family has the best Christmas ever.
  
• What is your favorite Christmas carol? I like Advent more than Christmas...O Come O, Come Emmanuel and Come Thous Long Expected Jesus are favorites. For Christmas carols...gee, I don't know, probably, Angels We Have Heard on High (sung by people who can actually sing)
  
• Candy canes? They are great for tree and package decorations. The only way I have ever found to eat them in a semi-sanitary fashion is sucking through them to get to the juice of an orange. But then that just makes your mouth sore. Too much sucking.
  

The Holidays Make Me Sick

The holidays make me sick...literally.

Each year I come down with a nasty cold/sore throat/fever/flu/you-name-it just a few days before Christmas and Easter sending me rushing to the doctor, panicked to get my hands on miracle drugs to insure I can still preach.

Usually I blame the sickness on the stress of high holdiays, particularly for religious leaders. I blame the insane worship schedule and multiple services, the increased events to attend, the added preparations needed, and the intense pressure to preach the best sermon ever. Who wouldn't get sick from all that??

This year I was convinced I had escaped it. After all, since turning in my prospectus in early December, I had declared myself on vacation. I slept in, had lunch with friends I never see, volunteered at the workers' center, shopped and shopped, knitted, made cards and hand scrubbed my kitchen floor...twice! This year I didn't even have to preach for the entire month of December!! Score!

Yet, despite what I thought was a stress-free, health inducing vacation, my holiday ills finally caught up with me. It might have had something to do with the intense vacation schedule of lunches, shopping sprees, marathon craft session, and obsessive housecleaning. Yesterday it came in the form of death dealing fever that sucked all the life out of me. At one point, after insanely turning the heat up to 70, I wrapped myself up tightly under three quilts, wearing long johns, pajamas, two pair of wool socks, a hooded sweatshirt and Josh's wool cap. Tylenol turned out to be the miracle drug for the fever but I am still left with a nasty cold and sore throat. I think I have it under control just enough to lead worship for two services and fly to Josh's parents' home before comepletely crashing.

Is That A....?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Several years back when Julie and I lived together and had a paltry supply of ornaments between the two of us, we hosted a tree trimming party in which we invited guests to bring gynocentric, gynophilic, woman-centered ornaments....and this is one we received. Our friend, Amy, just happened to have visited her doctor that same day and came toting this lovely specimen.

Each year, we watch as friends look quizzically at the tree afraid to ask if it really is what they think it is. Most men have no idea. In fact, one man, flicked it as if it were a foreign type of insect, screwed up his face and asked, "What the hell is that?" Of course, it was always infinitely more fun when we had the tree in the parsonage.

It Is Officially Winter!

Some might assume I making this pronouncement on the occasion of Solstice, or the "official" start of winter according to the US weather watchers. But, no, I know it is officially winter by what I want to eat!

For the past two weeks all I have wanted to eat has been cheese and carbs. My body is all ready to pack on the pounds for a long winter's rest. With the exception of a few business lunches at Indian and Thai restaurants, I have pretty much only eaten grilled cheese and soup.

There are variations, of course...jalapeno jack cheese, cheddar cheese, swiss cheese, muenster cheese. You can have it on wheat or rye or pumperknickel or 7 grain...with tomato and avocado and tartar sauce, if you are lucky! And for breakfast, there is always the yummy combination of tortillas, queso fresco and avocado. YUM!

The soups are incidental to the meal, really, sometimes bean, sometimes noodle, sometimes squash. All they need to be is warm and filling to complement and highlight the center of the meal....cheese, glorious cheese!

MMmmmmm......

Christmas Came Early

Christmas came early this weekend as Josh surprised me with a new kitchen table and chairs. Although we have two dining sets, both are too big for our small abode.

For the past six months we have been eating on the couch in front of the television. Holding your plate on your lap is bad enough, but lately the dogs have decided if they sit next to us and put their noses close to our plates they can catch falling crumbs. Each night as we would sit down to dinner, I would sigh and mumble, "I hate eating like this."

Now I never have to do that again!

Battlecry

Dirt on my face. Weapon in hand. The Battle's raging. We're waging war. There's no time for apathy. No time for laziness. I can't stand by and watch my comrades be taken down. We have to do something. We have to fight. There's no other choice. This generation will not be lost. We will stand! We have the power through our General... Let's go get them back! Here we go. Raise your warcry and let's march.

facegirl22

I am ablaze; I cannot stay silent. I am a holy inferno; I cannot be hidden. I will stay the course, no matter the repercussion.
joeljohnson

I will fight to save my generation with all that i have, leaving no one behind. I will rally other soldiers to help build the army that WILL take back the 96 percent.
tknbk96

"Nothing says ‘God’s love’ like an elite killing machine."

You might imagine that the disturbing quotes and photo above come from a group of disgruntled teens, ready to open fire in their school or even perhaps from the "evil-doer," religious fundamentalists (aka Islamic radicals).

No.

These posts all come from the website of Battlecry, the new evangelical movement for teens. The profiles can all be found on the fundy my-space-esuqe network where teens craft their "Battleplans" for winning over this fallen generation. Referring to each other as "trenchmates," they message back and forth about upcoming battles (at places like Spencer's, Victoria's Secret, and MTV) and ask for prayers and strength from God for all the angst that is being a teenager. They pour all their adolescent passion into this "war," honestly believing that they are "branded by God [with] the mark of a warrior."

The melding of marketing, militarism and melodrama is quite disturbing. The movement centers around a curriculum and traveling stage production that through spectacle encourages teens to join the war and fight for their generation. The rallies feature martial displays of weaponry with Navy Seals parading as god-like on the stage, brandishing automatic rifles and rallying the troops to action. The line between spiritual and actual warfare is invisible.

Of course, the battle is never about global issues that impact us all, like, I don't know, let's say, poverty, environmental degradation, HIV/AIDS epidemic, genocide, or domestic violence. Instead of protesting warfare, this movement glorifies it in the name of God and Christendom.

Scary.

Reporter Sunsara Taylor has taken on this group in a series of articles. Attending the rallies, she reports "from the frontlines," so to speak, even challenging Ron Luce, himself, the founder of this teen Army of God. Check out her work and the video clip of her debate with Luce on FOX (faux) News as well as the watchdog website, Acquire the Evidence.

YIPPPPPEEEEEE!!!!

WooHoo!!!

My prospectus passed! After two years of a pending complaint, after a year of wrangling with the committee (okay, so just one particular member...), and after a grueling fall of writer's block and deadlines, IT IS FINISHED! (The pastor in me loves proclaiming that.)

Of course, by the same token, I've only just begun (thank you, Karen Carpentar for that line of liturgy).

For those of you who have yet to be tortured by my rehearsal of my topic, I am investigating the connection between what we practice and what we believe in the United Methodist Church. I am convinced that the way our Church (UMC) treats GLBT persons reflects what it means to be Church (remember the post awhile back about this very question?). That is, our practices of prohibiting queer people from full participation in the Church reflect our theology of what it means to be the Church. My question is whether or not the theology embedded within our practices match our perceived, historical theology as articulated in the life and ministry of our founder, John Wesley.

In the words of my now passed propsectus,

"This dissertation takes seriously [the] observation that the practices and polity of the United Methodist Church toward homosexual persons intersect and embody significant ecclesiological commitments and it asks whether...the Church has strayed from its ecclesiological tradition in its practice and policy toward homosexual persons, or whether its polity and practices faithfully embody that tradition. This is the central question of this dissertation."

The goal is to have all of the Wesleyan section completed by May. Wish me luck!

It's Beginning to look More Like Christmas

We finally went out and bought our tree this year! In the past we have bought our tree from local stands in town where kids and adults run a makeshift business for a few weeks in a vacant lot, but this year we live in the City where there are no extra vacant lots for charities or neighborhood groups to set up shop. What to do?

We decided we would try the Home Depot closest to our house, after all their trees were supposedly cheaper and they had a bajillion from which to choose. The minute we pulled into the packed parking lot we knew this was a grave mistake. People were everywhere, rushing back and forth with such frenetic energy it made me nauseus to watch them go. Josh cajoled me out of the car promising that it would get better, but it only got worse. The store looked as if a tornado had whipped through it with trees half bound and discarded after being ruled out as the perfect one. The aisles were lined with families all grabbing trees as if there were not, like I said before, a bajillion from which to choose. You could not pass in the aisles because no one was concerned about anyone else. Whole families clogged the traffic flow as they laid stake to the bound trees they wanted, loudly shouting to one another the merits of each tree. I think it took me less than 5 minutes before I became so anxious I had to leave.

Strike one.

On the outskirts of town we had spied a small stand like the places from which we used to buy our trees and decided to try that one. When we arrived we were one of two families there. Talk about moving from extreme to extreme. And while the stand lay on the front lawn of the VFW it was not entirley clear that the people running it were indeed veterans of foreign wars or just the local mobsters in town. Entering the chain link tree fort, we were approached by a man with no neck who asked if we would like a candy cane. Uh, no.

I was convinced this year, after three years of dead dry trees by Dec. 15th, that we should buy a fraiser fir, and indeed this place had one...exactly one. It was a nice tree, but somehow I got the feeling that my desire for this particular type of tree just doubled my price. We walked a bit through the aisles of scrawny firs of various sorts and slipped out unnoticed by the men with no neck.

Strike two.

There was one last place to check. Downtown Union Square had a florist shop on the corner that was selling trees. Although we were unsure there was parking, we headed down anyway. Much to our surprise there was indeed a very tiny parking lot, jammed with other urban dwellers, cars parked this way and that. As we entered the florist grounds we heard Christmas music piped over the intercom. While perhaps just as crowded as the Home Depot, the atmosphere was much more relaxed. Here the diversity of families' shapes and sizes was a welcome relief to the cookie cutter, bland white-bread, obnoxious families at Home Depot. People sauntered from tree to tree, carefully inspecting each from all sides, for here, there were no bound trees. Each tree was displayed on its own stand in a virtual Christmas forest. At once we both sighed a great heave of relief. We had found Christmas tree home.

We knew this was the place for us, even when we glanced at the urban prices substantially marked up from even the mafiaosa place. But it was worth it. For a few extra dollars we bought the Christmas experience we had always wanted. It was urban. It was hip. It was diverse. It was cool. And after all, aren't we?

Religious Rant #2563798

You can read my latest religious rant over at Religion Is a Queer Thing about Paul Barnes, the most recent publicly outed gay pastor in Colorado.

Too Extreme?

Your 'Do You Want the Terrorists to Win' Score: 100%

You are a terrorist-loving, Bush-bashing, "blame America first"-crowd traitor. You are in league with evil-doers who hate our freedoms. By all counts you are a liberal, and as such cleary desire the terrorists to succeed and impose their harsh theocratic restrictions on us all. You are fit to be hung for treason! Luckily George Bush is tapping your internet connection and is now aware of your thought-crime. Have a nice day.... in Guantanamo!

Do You Want the Terrorists to Win?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Sometimes I wonder, "Am I too extreme? Am I a shameless ideologue? Am I really all that polemical?"

Well, the answer on this quiz (shamelessly stolen from Teddy) seems to shout a loud YES to all those questions!

The Christians and the Pagans

Ahhh, the age old threat of paganism is alive and well again!This week on MassResistance, an anti-gay blog dedicated to repealing same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, I was reminded of the ever increasing, diabolical forces of "paganization" that are sweeping our nation. Ironically, the very embodiment of these wicked pagan demoniacs was evidenced by the "wacky pseudo-Christians...with their religious symbols and clerically dressed spiritual leaders," clergy that I personally organized to witness at last month's Constitutional Convention.

Now, I could be wrong, but I assumed that crosses, and stoles and robes and Roman collars were all Christian symbols.

While it is always dangerous to look for rational arguments on these types of websites, it seems that this logical leap from Episcopalian clergy to paganism is well-founded in the work of other noted scholars, such as Dr. Peter Jones, who explains the dangers of paganism to our youth and nation in his article, "Christian Letters to a Pagan Planet." In fact, had I been paying attention, I too could have witnessed the "paganization" of the academy at the recent American Academy of Religion (AAR) conference I attended. He cites several examples of the rise of extremist ideology taking over college campuses including, "An "evangelical feminist" [who] railed against the genocidal foundation of America and called for the deconstruction of "normative heteropatriarchy."" (Xochitl, was that you???)

Apparently, the dangers of "paganism" have infected even the ivory towers of religious education, shaping and molding today's youth into radical apostates. For Jones the professors and scholars he heard at the AAR are evidence of the threat to our youth, a veritable "armada of brain-power deployed on our campuses to form the thinking of the rising generation."

Now, here is the funny thing, I don't think Dr. Jones is wrong. In fact, he is right on target. There is a growing body of research and a ever widening circle of scholars that understands the way in which the Christian tradition at times both oppresses those at the margins and offers possibilities of liberation. These scholars in liberation, feminist and queer theologies are not "anti-Christian" because they question Christianity, rather they are part of that very tradition they seek to engage, pushing at its limits, struggling with its history, re-shaping and re-molding it that it might be a living tradition once again. While for some that struggle may lead to a need to move beyond Christianity to becoming post-Christian, or Buddhist or yes, even, pagan, there are others who remain challenging the tradition to live up to its own message.

I have hope for the future of the Church precisely becasue of the radical, new scholarship happening in our colleges and seminaries. Dr. Jones had it almost exactly right, after all these scholars are indeed an armada of brain-power deployed on our campuses to form the rising of the thinking generation!

PS Check out a great song by Dar Williams about The Christians and the Pagans.

Our Dogs Are Stars!

We think our dogs are celebrities, but now it is official. Their paparazzi pics can be found over at Sheep's mum's website (Sheep is their golden doodle friend who looks like, you guessed it, a sheep). You can see both our beloved hounds on the September 3rd page. Today Norbert was the center of the photo shoot as he slobbered Sheep's papa with kisses.

You can see the photos of that shoot on the December 7th page.


Everyone at the park has fallen in love with Norbert. He is just that kind of dog. His fuzzy beard, goofy gait and fluffy tail help him to stand out in the crowd and his winning, uber-extroverted personality refuses to let anyone get out of a canine make-out session with him. Poor Clety, on the other hand, often gets overlooked since he, like his own mama, is more introverted. Kiss a stranger? Ew!

Welcome Kirk to the Blogosphere

Visit my friend, Kirk's, brand new blog over at Goat and Chicken. It'll be good!

A Pastor's Guide to Swearing

Nobody swears like a pastor. Isn't that what they say?

When I was first beginning to contemplate ecclesial work I was convinced I could never be a pastor because of my, well, to put it nicely, my "potty mouth." Ever since a late night driving around the outskirts of Cincinnati with my friend, Tushi, I could not stop cursing. It was as if she opened the flood gate of all the curse words and profanities I had stored up in my 18 year life span. While over the years I learned to refine my vulgar vocabulary, it never really did go away. In fact, when once I slipped and let loose a stinging string of hair-curling words in front of my mother, she literally fell off her chair and exclaimed, "TIFFFAAANNNNYYYY, not even God says those words!" I thought she was going to faint.

How could I be a pastor if I couldn't clean up my vocabulary?

But, after years in seminary and in the pastorate, I am convinced my mom was wrong. In fact, if God were a person I am sure God would use those words. After all, there is nothing like a well-placed "*@!#" to make your point. One of my colleagues once got the advice,

"A good pastor is someone who knows when it's ok to say words like damn and fuck."

How true it is!

Of course, you do need some restraint and the wisdom to know when and where to use the words. Perhaps saying, "Please rise for the call to fucking worship," may not be the best choice
(as was the suggestion of a friend who our clergywomen's group taught to swear). But, I believe that using these words makes us human and helps us connect to others in a more authentic way.
There are times when the, "hmmm, that must be difficult," trained pastoral response is far from
adequate for life's messy situations.

Sometimes nothing less than a good @!*?! will do!

I'm a God Mama!

This week I received what has to be one of the single greatest phone calls of my life. My college roommate, Lizzy, called to ask me to be one of the God-Mama's for her and her partner Joy's baby, Stella.

It was as if she had called to tell me I had just won the lottery or had been voted theologian of the year. Better than being tapped as a leader of the God Squad, I was going to be someone's god-mama!!!

I know that on the surface my reaction must seem hyperbolic...people get asked to be godparents all the time; even I was surprised at my own reaction. Yet, I felt overwhelmed with a sense of privilege and honor that Lizzy and Joy would ask me to be part of their family in that way. Living in Latin America for a time, I learned to appreciate godparents, not just as family members who dress up for the kid's baptism or as people who promise to raise the baby in case of the unexpected death of both their parents (agreeing so only in "theory"), but rather as people who journey with the child their whole life, supporting and encouraging them every step of the way. This is the type of god-mama I want to be!

Buy This Book

My high school friend, Teddy, and his partner, Rob, just published their first anthology together. Entitled, "From Boys to Men," it is a collection of essays about growing up gay. I confess, it is still being shipped at the moment, but knowing their work I can assure you it is well worth the read.

Teddy and I were class treasurers together in high school ("TNT for T") among other silly, adolescent antics which we shared back then. However, those cannot be released to the blogosphere.

The War on Error Continues

In October, I posted "The War on Error" with a link to an article on Wittenburg Door describing a video game about fundies at BJU who are out to kill all the infidels on campus. We debated whether it was real news or satire and ended up leaning toward satire (though Josh still contends it was real). Something that awful could not be true. Right?

Wrong.

The video game has just been released, but this time not under the BJU brand, but that of the ever popular series, Left Behind. That's right, a new video game entitled, Eternal Forces, is on sale now...just in time for Christmas!

The devleopers of the game descibe the storyline as beginning "just after the Rapture has occurred – when all adult Christians, all infants, and many children were instantly swept home to Heaven and off the Earth by God. The remaining population – those who were left behind – are then poised to make a decision at some point. They cannot remain neutral. Their choice is to either join the AntiChrist – which is an imposturous one world government seeking peace for all of mankind, or they may join the Tribulation Force – which seeks to expose the truth and defend themselves against the forces of the AntiChrist."

Features in this game include your ability to:

• Lead the Tribulation Force against Nicolae Carpathia - the AntiChrist.


• Conduct physical & spiritual warfare : using the power of prayer to strengthen your troops in combat and wield modern military weaponry throughout the game world.

• Recover ancient scriptures and witness spectacular Angelic and Demonic activity as a direct consequence of your choices.


• Command your forces through intense battles across a breathtaking, authentic depiction of New York City.


• Control more than 30 units types - from Prayer Warrior and Hellraiser to Spies, Special Forces and Battle Tanks!

The makers of the game assert that this is not a truly violent game because there is "no intestines, no blood spatter, no severed limbs, no vulgar language, no sexual conduct, no morally reprehensible conduct," but just a brief look at the Peacekeepers character unit, leads me to believe otherwise.

In the name of keeping the "peace" characters like the "Special Forces" are equipped with powers of "swearing and explosive bullets." Now, if explosions and bullets are not violent, I don't know what is.

It is also quite interesting to note the gender disctinctions between characters. For instance, the nurses are all women and the doctors, all men. Surprise. Surprise. The gender distinctions follow heteronormative patterns with the women all slim, fit, large breasts and attractive, wielding powers like praying and healing. This is in comparison to the men who are the church leaders, soldiers, and saints brandishing powers of silent attack, war cry, supersight, explosions, construction, camouflage, heist, coercion and rumble.

Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of the game is the tone it sets making almost direct parallels between the anti-Christ and modern day terrorism. The anti-Christ has devleoped a network of terror cells that you, the player, have to neutralize through game play. One of the peacekeeper characters is known for his work in exposing terror cells for the US government. Hmmm....not a far leap to imagine Muslims as the devil and Christians as the heroes, huh? Even more interesting, the anti-Christ is manifested as a "one world government seeking peace for all mankind" UN, anyone?

While several progressive Christian groups have been vociferous about their protest to the game, the makers defend themselves, arguing that the game is not anti-Christian. In response to the question whether or not their game runs contrary to Jesus’ message on “love your enemy,” they write:

"Absolutely not. Christians are quite clearly taught to turn the other cheek and to love their enemies. It is equally true that no one should forfeit their lives to an aggressor who is bent on inflicting death. Forgiveness does not require absolute defenselessness. Apparent contradictions on behalf of Christians are often the result of them placing greater importance on the message, than in caring for others."

Just war theory, anyone?

If you are as appalled as I am, sign the petition to have the game removed from stores at CrossWalk America.

A Very Betty Christmas

Last week we visited our friend, Betty, for Thanksgiving. Betty is renowned for her design and decorative talents, showcased in her home which changes themes with the seasons.

Walking into her house was like entering an enchanted fall forest; pumpkins of all shapes and sizes were tucked into every corner of the house, fall leaves in plates, ceramics, soaps and garlands were abound, and the oranges, golds, browns and reds all blended with each other to create the very essence of fall itself. It was gorgeous!


Watching Josh's eyes widen with admiration, I asked, "So, you like Betty's house?"

"Of course!!"

"Would you like our house to look like this?"

"Uh, yeah."

"So, would you like me to try to do this?"

"No."

Josh immediately thought of both the cost and anxiety such a project would necessarily entail and thought he would spare me. But the seed was planted.



I could do this. Right? Or at least try. Suddenly the image of a cozy, festive home became emblazed in my mind. I could start little by little, room by room. After all, our apartment is not much bigger than a studio loft. How hard could it be?

My expectations were low. Start with things I already own...white reindeer dishes, blue accents and milk jars. The kitchen (with our huge blue wall) would be a winter wonderland of sorts and the bathroom would be red and green (since I secretly always wanted the bathroom in red anyway!).

Heading off to Christmas Tree Shop and TJ Maxx, I found relatively inexpensive accents, including a cheapo book of penguin postcards from the Sierra Club. How much more wintery can you get than penguins?

I had already asked Josh to find the dishes while I was out so I was all set to begin the transformation. Yet, much to my chagrin, when I arrived home Josh informed me that the dishes were not in their approriate box, but rather buried in one of the many "stored dishes" boxes packed away in the basement (see July entries for the pic of the massive storage area). Thinking I would give up, he said, "Sorry, babe." But I was not to be deterred. After an hour of searching through box after box in the basement, I emerged somewhat triumphant with all the dishes, except the mugs. God only knows where they are...



Plate stands in hand and atop my new handy dandy fold up step ladder (a must for all home makeovers), I was ready to begin.

The pictures here are the fruits of my labors. Remember, little by little, bit by bit.

The whole process has actually been quite refreshing. The frivolity of it all is a relief from the work I normally do. It also has helped ease my anti-Christmas attitude. In general, I hate the "Christmas season" because it has nothing to do with Christmas at all (see MB's comment on the peace wreath for my exact sentiments on the subject). Decorating by theme, however, allows me to enjoy the season for what it really is...a winter festival. With no expectations of deep religious meaning, I can enjoy a time of celebration.

Of course, I still have reservations about the "stuff" this entails and acquiring more possessions and I am not certain that like Betty I will change to a Valentine's Day theme by January, but for the moment I am enjoying it. I'm no Betty, but it feels nice to have a home in which I like to sit.

It's a Hard Knock Life

It is a hard knock life when you have a filthy kitchen floor!

This morning I spent hours on my hands and knees scrubbing our very tiny, yet nastified kitchen floor.

I had always suspected that both mopping and swiftering did nothing more than swish dirty water all over the floor.
So, today I decided to see the difference in hand washing, something my mother always swore by. I filled a bucket with hot sudsy kitchen cleaner and water, got out my handy dandy bristle brush and went to work. It truly was a scene out of Annie, with me on my knees scubbing back and forth, back and forth.

The amount of dirt that came off was incredible! I knew it was filthy but this was astonishing!

Now, here is the problem. Even hand scrubbing, you are still left with dirty water all over your floor. How do you get it up? I resorted to cleaning section by section with paper towels...and it seemed to work. The paper towel absorbed the watery filth, making my floors clean for the first time in their lives. Yet, while this method works it seems both time consuming and wasteful of our natural resources...a roll of paper towels.

Any suggestions on getting results like the hand and towel method without the endless waste of paper??

Satanic Peace

Who knew peace could be so divisive?

Apparently this peace wreath has caused quite a stir in a local Colorado subdivision. Labeled as "anti-Iraq" and "Satanic," the peace wreath was officially banned from the subdivision and the homeowner fined $25 a day for displaying it.

I suppose in an ideologically divided nation, some could interpret this as a sign of protest, yet it puzzles me to see the symbol as Satanic, particularly in the Advent season leading up to Christmas.

In the next four weeks churches across the nation will read scripture after scripture about peace..."the lion shall lie down with the lamb," "we shall beat our swords into plowshares," and "study war no more." For Christ's sake (and I mean that literally), what about "peace on earth goodwill toward all?"

If the Advent/Christmas season isn't about peace, what is it?

Twee Vaders

This song comes from a mainstream Dutch television program for children. Entitled "Two Fathers," it is a tale of one boy and his two fathers. As the song says, some find it unusual, but to others it just is.

You can watch it here: http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=MVgh2unKd5E

How refreshing it is to see same-sex led families in the media as normal!

Armor of God

MB sent me to Ship of Fools in search of a very funny message of "adivce" about ecclesial "butt wiggling."

While there I also stumbled upon this neat and nifty Christmas gift for all those special kids in your life.

The Armor of God pajamas!!

The website explains,

"The whole Armor of God Pajama set will help your children to depend on God to protect them from their fears, doubts, and uncertainties at night so their sleep can be restful and peaceful."

Because nothing is better to calm children's fear than to play war before heading off to dreams of combat, violence and evil!

Phew!

Draft Fourteen of the prospectus finished and sent off for editing to my advisors!!

Giving Gifts

Although a 12 inch talking Jesus may be inappropriate for gift giving, here are a few of my favorite places to find greeting cards and gifts for the season.

Syracuse Cultural Workers: Tools for Change
This is my absolute favorite catalog from which to shop. They have sections focused on issues as diverse as children, women, Latin American justice, human rights, environmentalism, GLBT studeis, violence against women, peace, and agricultural sustainability.

The holiday card to the rights reads, "Let us embrace and protect Earth’s wonderous gifts. Happy Holidays! Abracemos y protejamos los regalos maravillosos de la Tierra. ¡Felices fiestas!" Only $10.95 for a box of 12.

The children's books are also quite wonderful. Titles include: Tango Makes Three, The Goat Lady, Holding Up the Sky: Peace Tales for Children, Living Simply With Children, What Can I Do Today, GirlSource and Crossing Bok Chitto.

Nicaraguan Cultural Alliance

Fair Trade, Shade Grown Nica Coffee - YUMMY at only $8 a bag

The Nicaraguan Cultural Alliance (NCA) and the Quixote Center proudly present fine art materials from Nicaragua. The proceeds support the Nicaraguan artists and artisans who created these original works.


Ten Thousand Villages

Ten Thousand Villages stocks products from world wide artisans bought and sold at a just and fair price. You can find gifts from India to Peru here. You can shop in a store or online.

The ornaments to the left are from Peru. Handcrafted by a local artist they cost just $14.


Global Girlfriend

Global Girlfriend is a unique fair trade boutique selling specialty hand-made gifts and goods made by women's non-profit programs, women's cooperatives worldwide and products that benefit women's human rights.

These earrings are handmade in Nepal at an educational and vocational training institute which provides impoverished women with vocational training in knitting, carpet weaving, and jewelry making, enabling them to make a living wage and care for themselves and their families. Only $24.00.

What Is the Church?

"The Church is one, holy, catholic and apostolic."

"The Church is where the Word of God is faithfully preached and the sacraments duly administered."

"I am the Church. You are the Church. We are the Church together."

What is the Church? The quotes above are traditional and popular expressions of the nature of the Church. But are they adequate to describe the complexity and ambiguity of our communities of faith?

This week I have been working diligently on my prospectus, exploring the nature of the Church through its practices. That is asking the question, does what we do reflect what we believe? Can we discover the answer to the question, "What is the Church?" by looking at our practices and polity as communities of faith?

I think the answer is yes. After all, we have all understood the implicit messages in our own congregations communicated through the daily practices of the Church.

What have you learned about the Church from the practices in your own communities of faith? Those of childhood and adulthood? What did the things your congregation do tell you about what Church is and ought to be? What did they fail to teach you?

Jesus Rejected!

This talking Jesus doll, made by one2believe, was rejected as a donation to a California Toys for Tots drive.

Apparently, the overt religious nature of the toy made it unsuitable as a gift for children.

Mike Grein, the vice-president of Marine Toys for Tots said, "We can't take a chance on sending a talking Jesus doll to a Jewish family or a Muslim family."

Now, I am all for stopping Christian imperialism wherever it rears its ugly head, but it strikes me as ironic that Jesus was considered inappropriate as a CHRISTMAS gift.

I know. I know. I realize that other religious traditions have holidays during the winter solstice as well, and I support Toys for Tots in giving beyond the Christian "chosen." But, for me, it is just one more reminder of the detachment of our holidays from their religious meanings. Gifts for everyone is, in a way, a cover-up for the rampant commercialization of the holiday and our over-zealous celebration of materialism.

Of course, Jesus is inappropriate for Christmas! It's not about him anyway!

GodMen: The Battle Begins

For those of you who thought the problem with the Church was its patriarchal, hierarchal exclusivity, you are wrong. In fact, the problem is not that men dominate Christianity, but that women and children do. That is, according to the new movement, GodMen, an organization begun to fight the "nice Christian man" syndrome that is oppressing and keeping men from fully participating in the life of the Church.

According to their marketing manager, Mike Smith, "the goal of GodMen is not to create one more 'nice' and 'safe' Christian man, a passive male whose only response to adversity is to fold his hands in prayer. Rather, the purpose of the movement is to equip an army of men who embody the spirit of the faithful and rugged Jesus."

In fact, the movement is a battle cry for men everywhere. This is a "dangerous" group. On their blog, Brad Stine describes the four basic premises to GodMen events:

1) Men need a battle.
2) Men need weapons/tools to fight with
3) Men need to be taught how to use the weapons
4) The most neglected element..Men need to be told " Ok guys, lets go fight."

What is this battle against you ask? The sin of being "nice" and all that it entails, including feminization, passivity and "The Enemy." Theirs is a return to Biblical masculinity, none of this "Gentle Jesus Meek and Mild," this is a movement filled with authentic masculine energy.

Paul Coughline writes, "The Bible describes and encourages a kind of rugged masculinity that is not the same kind of masculinity that is promoted in most church services and religious organizations. So when we tell Christian men that they are "fully authorized," it's our way of telling them that though the church doesn't necessarily want them to become more assertive, bold, and confrontational in order to become redemptive forces for good in a world at war with truth and goodness, the God of the Bible does."

All this happens through events where "real men" gather and sing songs, including this praise hit, ""Be a man, grow a pair." No joke!

Check out their website and be sure not to miss their promo video.

Awwwwwww....

With only 4 days left until my prospectus and my speech for the Dempster Banquet at AAR are due, I am all over web surfing.

This photo came from a site Josh showed me, called "Cute Overload." I have to admit that in general, I am not a cutesy person, but these photos are enough to soothe my anxious soul and help me re-focus on all the work I have to accomplish by Thursday night at midnight!!

Trust me, it's cute!

Growing Together

Josh and I have not yet been able to eat these carrots that came as part of our last CSA share for the year.

The beauty of their intertwined lives makes it hard for us to tear them apart for a mere salad.

Just one more miracle of the Earth that teaches us what it means to be alive!

Hooray for Marriage!!

Marriage equality has been preserved in Massachusetts! This Thursday, the state legislature narrowly avoided a vote to place marriage equality on the state ballot in 2008. Civil marriage is a civil right that comes with over 1500 benefits, rights and privileges. To ban it, does not ban same-sex families, they have existed for years and will continue to exist. The difference civil marriage makes is whether or not these families will be protected by the law.

After working for over 4 years here in MA to secure marriage rights for all people, you might imagine that I feel ecstatic, excited and elated, but I must confess, mostly I feel relieved. It is finally over.

We have put in thousands of hours of time and millions of dollars of support to secure the right to love. It seems silly, quite frankly, the herculean efforts that have had to be mustered simply to allow people to marry whom they wish to marry. After all these years, I still struggle to understand why two people marrying is such a threat. How deos same-sex marriage destroy heterosexual marriage? How are children harmed by loving parents? How is our social fabric threatened by the creation of stable, commited families? I just don't get it.

Yesterday, while waiting in line at the State House an opponent of same-sex marriage valiently tried to explain the reasons why to me. Seeing my collar, he felt obliged to engage me as part of saving my soul. Polite, respectful and calm, he told me it was simply a matter of God's "Absolute Value" (which he depicted for me as a vertical line coming down from heaven). My problem, he was good enough to point out, was that in ministering to gay folk, I was mistakenly "giving myself away to others" (which he depicted as a horizontal line moving away from the vertical line descending from heaven) and that was contrary to God's will and "Absolute Value." Funny, I thought that's what Jesus did?

As we continued the conversation, it became clear that he had a magical access, to this purported "Absolute Value" that I did not have. He was not moved or swayed by the Wesleyan quadrilateral and seemed to shutter at the thought of ongoing revelation. He was quite clear that God gave us specific gender roles to which we are obligated to conform, whether we like it or not. If only I would stop helping others, I could know God's Absolute Value and be saved.

It never ceases to amaze people our own human hubris in imagining that we somehow know the mind of God as absolute, direct and unchanging.

I Can't Believe It!!!???!!!??

I can't believe it!

Daniel won!!!!! The Sandinistas have come back!!

I can't believe it!

This week, leading up to the Nicaraguan elections, I have been trying to hold at bay my hope that the Daniel Ortega, former revolutionary and president of Nicaragua would win the elections 16 years after being ousted by the US government. (During the elections, the US government promised to end the Contra war if they defeated Ortega in the polls. What kind of choice is that? War? Or a new president? You choose.)

Could it possibly happen? No, not with the continued intervention and threats of the US.

But it did!!!

Daniel's victory marks the end of fear and intimidation by the US and the turn from capitalist politics that only benefit the rich, to the return of the revolucion and the politics of the people. Under Daniel's last presidency he vaccinated the entire country, taught the populace how to read , set up health centers throughout the country, distributed the land to the poor who had been slaves of large plantation owners for decades, bought private utility companies so that they the people could afford clean water, electricity and gas, and offered a wide array of social services for the poor. During the 1980's the international community flocked to Nica to see this new type of government in action. Despite having to fight a US sponsored war (the Contra War...remember the Iran Contra Scandal), the government succeeded in being a government for the poor.

Overly idealistic? Of course, I am. But who couldn't be given the history of the Nicaraguan people and the dream they realized, if only for a decade, of a government that actually benefited the poor.

Can it be?

As I watch the web page psuedo-celebration, I cannot hold back the tears.

In celebration of the day, take a moment to listen to the love song of the revolucion, Nicaragua, Nicaraguita, a folk song by Carlos Mejia Godoy. The lyrics are below.

Ay Nicaragua, Nicaraguita
La flor mas linda de mi querer
Abonada con la bendita, Nicaraguita,
Sangre de Diriangen.

Ay Nicaragua sos mas dulcita
Que la mielita de Tamagas
Pero ahora que ya sos libre, Nicaraguita,
Yo te quiero mucho mas
Pero ahora que ya sos libre, Nicaraguita,
Yo te quiero mucho mas

Oh Nicaragua Nicaraguita
most beautiful flower of my love
fertilized with the blessed blood of Diriangen

Oh Nicaragua you are even sweeter
Than the honey from Tamagas
But now that you are free
Nicaraguita
I love you much more
But now that you are free
Nicaraguita
I love you much more

Viva la revolucion!!

How Very Sad

Yesterday much of the reaction I heard about Ted Haggard, the evangelical leader who was caught in a sex scandal was laughter. It seemed both ironic and comical that a man who spent so much of his time preaching hate against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender folks would be, himself, caught up in a torid gay sex scandal.

Yet, I have to admit, that my reaction is just pure saddness. How very sad that we live in a society (and Church) that evokes so much shame and fear around sexuality, that people are cowered into living a lie. Haggard not only hid his sexuality but turned his own internalized homophobia on the queer community, working out his own issues with such vitriolic rhetoric towards those who were honest with themselves and the world about their sexuality.

I fear that this type of public outing will do no one any good. I imagine that Haggard will repent of his "sexual sin," tell his faithful followers he backslid, attend a "homo-no-mo" program, and encourage parents to send their youth to these reparative therapy camps as soon as possible. I can only imagine the message his children will get through all of this. If any were ever to come out, they surely would not now.

No one wins.

Trick? or Treat?

Halloween used to be a harmless day when kids would go out dressed as pirates, princesses and superheroes to collect candy from friends and neighbors. Sadly, many American children no longer get to participate in this lighthearted holiday. Their conscientious parents stand as examples of the truth a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Their parents have been told that the dark and evil religion of the ancient Celts threatens to corrupt their children’s souls. Rather than a quaint folkway that has outlived its historical roots, it is a sinister scheme devised by the devil in order to seduce children into the dark web of the occult and the demonic. You can almost hear Satan’s laughter at the brilliance of his diabolical plan --a diabolical plan that has all the subtlety of a conspiracy of Skeletor or Cobra Commander.

According to this plan, there are Druids or Wiccans about just waiting to seduce your child into a world of Celtic chants and an appreciation of nature. Druids, far from being extinct or having their religion transformed into the stuff of banal, New Age self-help books, have in secret been executing their dark master’s plan to seduce the youth of America. If your son or daughter uses a term like “solstice” or “equinox” it may already be too late.

Christianity’s complete and utter defeat of paganism throughout Europe during the course of the Middle Ages was only an illusion. The derisive term the Christians used for the rubes in the countryside-- “pagan” --was secretly a badge of pride to these unbelievers and devil worshippers. They hid while the sword of Christendom threatened to send them into the hereafter, waiting until the vigilance of God’s followers relaxed and they could find a cultural crevice in which to insinuate themselves. This crevice has been wedged open by snack size candy bars and cheap plastic costumes, and their dreadful scourge manifests itself every time a child licks their candy-stickied fingers.

Apparently the joy and happiness I felt as child, costumed and sugared-up, and that I have witnessed in others was completely naïve. It was a superficial deception in a demonic gambit for my soul. Even though it felt good, made me happy and holds a warm place in my memory I was deceived. These feelings should have been tempered by obscure biblical commands condemning witchcraft, although I hesitate to speculate whether my Bunny Rabbit or Batman costume was more demonic.

I do not believe this. The perversion of Halloween is not by dark spiritual forces, but by fundamentalist fear mongers obsessed with their own puritanical consciences to the point of demonizing a harmless cultural anachronism. But they are partially right; there is a witchcraft to Halloween. The day has a power to weave spells of laughter in the faces of children and joy in their hearts, but I guess unfettered joy is too frightening for some people. - posted by jga

Hasta Los Huesos

The immediate inspiration for Josh's post on the Day of the Dead comes from a Mexican claymation short entitled, Hasta Los Huesos.

I tried to incorporate this link into Josh's post, but it did not work. So, here it is on it's own.

Enjoy!

Approaching the Day of the Dead

In about a week one the best holidays in North America takes place: Dia de los Muertos (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_of_the_Dead ). A pre-colonial holiday that survived the Conquistadors, the spiritual conquests of the Church Militant and the concomitant collapse of Mesoamerica's indigenous civilizations --a fitting history for a holiday whose central purpose is honoring the spirits of those who have come before.

An industrialized culture whose members must show up for their shift or incur the wrath of "The Man" has no time, no space to spend a few days reflecting on deceased love ones or the continuity of memory with the past. Memory preserves the dead from oblivion, enlarges the community and the world that we move through, connecting us to people and spaces beyond ourselves.

The celebration of memory is the admission of mortality. Taking time to remember what has passed confronts us with the threat of our own passing. In our culture, Christianity is often applied as an anaesthetic to this fact. Death is made illusory by the promise of paradise, or even worse, life is. Memory holds life and death in tension. A culture of memory sustains the living with the promise that death will not cause them to lose their place in the community.

This trait is uniquely isolated from much of the rest of the Christian ethos in the Eucharist. Jesus remains continually embodied and relatable in the quotidian human need to eat. As much as his followers may cast their cares at his feet, Jesus remains human: He weeps. He gets angry. He gets tired. He loves. He eats. He dies.

Dia de los Muertos also preserves the humanity of those who have died. Favorite candies are laid out for the dead or pillows for spirits that have traveled far. A spiritual world no longer touched by human concerns is nihilistic, an escapist fantasy. Subjected to a pristine heaven the Saints join the pantheon as demigods in God’s feudal service while the more mundane among us disappear into the celestial ether.

Celebration of the Day of the Dead is neither morbid nor gloomy. It is in fact a celebration of life, an affirmation of this life. The best thing is to be remembered within the context of a community by those who loved you not to deny death by acquiescing to a wish for a painless immortality. The “bliss” of a world beyond this one has no meaning except to express a this-worldly desire for a cessation of struggle and suffering or for a perfect, unchanging happiness.

The problem is that a posthumous return to Eden is a relevant idea only in binary relation to the concerns of this world, and only as a desire originating from this world. It is an exemplification of the Jewish and Christian idea that Death is an evil. It is not an evil when it is held in tension with the fact that life is pregnant with its own finitude. It is the unbearable lightness that underlines the length of our days and so lends our days their gravity.

Conversely, the denial of death’s reality is also the denial of this life’s richness. It is a discontented hope that longs for a cup where no bitter is intermingled with the sweet. It fails to understand that the sweet contains within itself its own bitterness. A celebration of memory such as the Day of the Dead wholistically encompasses this dynamic. Remembering ancestors in this way recognizes the cycle of life and death. It honors the embedded-ness of human concerns and celebrates a community whose past stretches into the depths of time and forward to an unknown horizon. --jga

Measuring Life's Moments

I shamelessly stole this off Mary Beth's website...it was easier than replying in her comment section. The list includes 100 things to do in life. The ones I have done are in red. The ones Josh has done are in blue. If we have both done it, then, you guessed it...purple.

What have you done?

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink

02. Swam with wild dolphins

03. Climbed a mountain

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid

06. Held a tarantula

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone

08. Said “I love you’ and meant it!

09. Hugged a tree

10. Bungee jumped

11. Visited Paris

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise

14. Seen the Northern Lights

15. Gone to a huge sports game

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables

18. Touched an iceberg

19. Slept under the stars

20. Changed a baby’s diaper

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon

22. Watched a meteor shower

23. Gotten drunk on champagne

24. Given more than you can afford to charity

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment

27. Had a food fight

28. Bet on a winning horse

29. Asked out a stranger

30. Had a snowball fight

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can

32. Held a lamb

33. Seen a total eclipse

34. Ridden a roller coaster

35. Hit a home run

36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment

39. Visited all 50 states

40. Taken care of someone who was drunk

41. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country

42. Watched wild whales

43. Stolen a sign

44. Backpacked in Europe

45. Taken a road-trip

46. Gone rock climbing

48. Midnight walk on the beach

49. Gone sky diving

50. Taken a train through Europe

51. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love

52. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table, and had a meal with them

53. Milked a cow

54. Alphabetized your CDs

55. Sung karaoke

56. Lounged around in bed all day

57. Gone scuba diving

58. Kissed in the rain

59. Gone to a drive-in theatre

60. Started a business

61. Taken a martial arts class

62. Been in a movie

63. Crashed a party

64. Gone without food for 5 days (fasting for SOAW)

65. Gotten a tattoo

66. Got flowers for no reason

67. Performed on stage

68. Been to Las Vegas

69. Recorded music (this is stunning for those of you who have heard me in church!)

70. Eaten shark

71. Buried one/both of your parents

72. Been on a cruise ship

73. Spoken more than one language fluently

74. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over

75. Been to the Statue of Liberty

76. Had plastic surgery

77. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived

78. Wrote articles for a large publication

77. Lost over 20 pounds

79. Piloted an airplane

80. Petted a stingray

81. Broken someone’s heart

82. Broken a bone

83. Eaten sushi

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Parasailed

86. Skipped all your school reunions

87. Shaved your head

88. Caused a car accident

89. Pretended to be "sick"

90. Surfed in the ocean

91. Saved someone's life

92. Fainted

93. Been in the room while someone is giving birth

94. Hitchhiked

95. Adopted a child (foster kid)

96. Been caught daydreaming

97. Been to the Grand Canyon

98. Called off a wedding engagement

99. Donated your blood

100. Become a follower of Jesus Christ