A New Obsession

I have found a new obsession on craigslist. With the dishwasher in hand, I am now fixated on getting a station wagon. While I have yet to sell Josh on this brilliant idea, I think my argument is both logical and sound.

Our Mazda, while not a pretty sight, is in rather good mechanical condition. It will last us another five years even withstanding the beating I give it on a regular basis (and by beating I mean trashing...who cleans cars? I have enough with the house!). The problem is that while it works just fine, it is sadly inadequate for my doggy needs. Cletus, as you may remember from past posts, is well, shall we say, "special." He tends toward nervous, if not down right neurotic. At home, it is only slightly problematic: remembering to watch out for his full body slams when thunder approaches or keeping an open lap for minor excitable moments when he needs the comfort of his mother's lap...all 65 pounds of him.

The real problem comes in the car. He hates the car. Despite promises from our vet and trainer that he would grow out of this auto anxiety, he has not. His neurosis manifests itself in two primary ways. First, he slobbers and I mean slobbers. He routinely has two (if not four) faucets of spit that drool continuously forming large puddles of doggy goo all over the back seat and Norbert. Whenever we take the dogs somewhere in the car, people always comment how wet our dogs are. I used to explain what it was, but after watching the grossed out looks of people whose hands were covered in Cleto-spit, I decided to play dumb. "Huh, that's interesting. I have no idea why Norbert is dripping wet." Second, if we drive too long or too soon after he has eaten the poor pooch tosses his cookies all over the car. We have gone through three comforters, one heavy duty back seat dog hammock, several towels and a good number of sheets. Even with all of the seat protection, the mess is too much to handle.

The solution to my doggy woes of course is to get a car specially designed for easy clean up...a wagon! With the plastic back area, all I would have to do is hose out the cargo area. Plus, it is much bigger than a back seat, has a doggy bar for safe driving and can haul shit. Who doesn't need a car that can haul any reasonable purchase? And what's more no trunk to clean out!

We had planned on waiting to get a wagon until this car dies...but that means no trade in value. My brilliant idea is to sell it now and use the proceeds to go toward a car that will last us a little longer and be more serviceable.

I obsessed for two days straight, checking craigslist and edmunds compulsively. I had finally decided that while much needed, the obsession was becoming unhealthy. Just when I resolved myself to wait a year, I got an email reply from a guy with the subaru pictured above. It is priced $1500 under fair market value and seemed a deal I couldn't pass up. Josh and I will go look at the car tomorrow.

The obsession continues...

God Loves Me...

She certainly does!

This week our garbage disposal broke, which in theory shouldn't be so bad...except that when the disposal breaks the water refuses to drain. Every time we turn on the faucet for even the most miniscule moment, water backs up along with the remains of the last time we used the disposal.

YUCK!

Getting it fixed will take time since we have to go through the trustees of the church. At first I tried to use the least amount of dishes as possible. But, soon, after a few days it didn't seem to help. I still had a sink full of dirty dishes. So, yesterday, I finally caved and washed the dishes in the bathtub. Not a comfortable nor fun endeavor to say the least. Things were looking bad.

But, then in the midst of my kvetching to a friend she mentioned she had a portable dishwasher we could have...the same portable dishwasher I had been lusting after on craigslist for months! So, hopefully, tonight we will pick it up and I will be spared another bathroom dish episode!

To Clean or Not to Clean

Last week I gave in and called a cleaning company. Moving to a smaller apartment I naively believed cleaning would be less of a hassle. The problem is that even though the area of messiness is much smaller, there is no extra space to hide/throw/pile/stack all the crap we have in our home, making cleaning not just a weekly chore, but a daily necessity. By the time I manage the clutter I have to choose whether to really clean or to write.

Despite the fact that I have been programmed from an early age to think that people who hire cleaners are dirty, lazy, "bad," or a combination of them all, I knew it had to be done. It was a matter of valuing my own time and being able to confess that I could not both write my dissertation and keep a house like June Cleaver. So I chose.

I was already feeling quite bad about calling, still trying to shake off the nagging voices in my head that told me "you suck!" (This, by the way, is my all time favorite line from an Ani song!) I had cleaned the house...not extremely well, but well enough so that I wouldn't be embarrassed to have professional cleaners in. When the cleaners came for the estimate I was relieved to see how nice they were. They wouldn't shame me, right?

Wrong.

In English they were very polite inquiring about which type of cleaning products we use, what areas of the house we would like cleaned, whether or not we would like extra services like oven and refrigerator cleaning. But after a few questions to which I stared blankly at them (like "What do you use to clean the inside of your cabinets?" or "How often do you bleach your floor?" or "When was the last time you cleaned your window shades?"), they began to mutter amongst themselves in Portuguese.

Now, I am always one of the people that swears when people from different cultures speak in their native tongue it has nothing to do with the white folk hanging around. But this time it was in fact not true. While I am not fluent in Portuguese, I understand it. Both my Spanish and the fact that I worked with a Brazilian church for three years greatly help me decipher.

Peering into the bathroom, I heard them exclaim,

"This tub is disgusting! It will take a long time and need that super strength cleaner...what's the name?"

"Tile-ex."

"No, stronger."

Are we that dirty??? I couldn't imagine.

Coming out, she politely said to me in English, "Well, you know the first cleaning is going to take a long time. Okay?"

Everywhere they went in the house they ran their fingers along catching the dust I had somehow missed. Walking by the light switch they ran their hand over the wall and recoiled as if in horror at the dirtiness of it all.

Near the end of the estimate (which lasted over 30 minutes...and mind you we have a one room-ish apartment!), they negotiated the price in Portuguese in front of me. The younger girl suggested one price, explaining that it was quite dirty and would need a lot of time. Thankfully, the older woman, eager to retain my business and sure that with one of her super-cleanings the mess could be managed, suggested a lower price. All the while they talked I thought maybe I should clue them in to the fact that I understood everything they were saying, but I suppose I didn't have the heart or the courage to stop them.

In spite of feeling completely shamed, there was a small, secret part of me that was overjoyed by their nazi-like assessments and standards. So, they might think I am dirty, lazy and bad, but if their standards are this high it means my house will be uber-clean! What's a little shame compared to a spotless Cleaver-esque house, after all?

Love to Hate

I found this gem today...

The Truthtellers - promoting hate in the name of Christ!

Gotta love it!

Bad Writing Day

Only 2 pages today....and most of that was from earlier work I had done. I just couldn't get the flow right.

Instead of writing I organized my calendar, contacts, updated the church website and blog, and took the boys on a long walk.

All of this is thrilling to you, I'm sure. I promise to improve my postings...just not now.

Good Writing Day

8 pages in three hours! Yipee!

I'll be finished with this chapter by Friday!! It's my first "real" chapter outside of the introduction which feels good, damn good.

The Gospel Truth

Who says an agnostic can't sing gospel?

Last night Josh and I went to hear Susan Werner at the Lancaster Coffee House (that's for another post). He had heard her on WNCW and thought I'd like her too. I did!!

The Gospel Truth is her latest project that confronts the hypocrisy of the Church with a wonderfully rich bluegrass, gospel sound. Although she describes herself as a self-avowed "evangelical agnostic" her songs could (and probably ought to) be sung in churches all over. Werner blends just the right amount of honesty and camp to do the "christian right" right.

I particularly liked "Heaven So Small,"

well i know you'd damn me if you could
but my friend, that's simply not your call
if god is great and god is good
why is your heaven so small

Both Josh and I howled at "Probably Not,"

Is there a god above?
Is there eternal love?
Probably not
Probably not
Is there a home up in the sky?
Will we be there by and by?
Probably not
Probably not

Besides finding a new artist we like, we also discovered the fun of hearing local, live music. We just might have a new Friday night activity!

Who Knew I Was So Accomplished?

Who knew I already had a PhD? According to inside internet sources I already have a doctorate in developmental psychology. While I did co-write the article, I did so without even a bachelor's degree at the time. This was my senior thesis.

What am I doing writing this dissertation!?!?

NOTE: The page count is now up to 122 pages...

Paranoia

I recently installed Site Meter on my church blog. I mostly did it because I wanted to make sure that it was worth my effort of posting. I post so irregularly as it is. I thought that if I could see how much use it was getting it might motivate me to make better use of that space for the ministry.

There was, however, another reason to add Site Meter. As an "edgy" ministry we get a lot of trollers to our site who are just looking for something inflammatory to rant about on their own sites. (Google my name if you are interested in seeing some fine examples...) I like to keep a heads up to know what I may or may not have to deal with in the future. You know the old adage about keeping friends close and enemies closer, blah, blah, blah.

So, I installed it today and after checking it just twice have become incredibly paranoid. I am overwhelmed at the amount of information I am privy to through this site. Not only can I find out who has visited my site, but how they found out about it and how long they read. Who are these people and why are they reading my blog? I knew at once what it must feel like to suffer from paranoia.

Overwhelmed with the plethora of personal data I received I suddenly realized that that same information is out there about me....what sites I visit, how long I stay there, what I read...Scary!

In searching through the visits today I discovered a parishioner who links to me and was quite horrified to have access to their personal journal. This crosses all sorts of ethical boundaries! YIKES! Not to mention that they talk about me and the church....that's a pastor's worst nightmare...reading reports from the pews! I suppose I could consider it helpful to my ministry but I am just terrified I'll read something awful...like "Gee, my pastor sure sucks!" or "What the %$&# was she thinking preaching a sermon like that?"

Some things you just don't want to know.

Ask and You Shall Receive

Despite the fact that I am the place where technology goes to die, I have been lusting after a Blackberry for quite some time.

You see my problem is that I am a complete Myers Briggs P. This means I am an absolute disaster when it comes to organizing myself and my life. My idea of organizing involves little scraps of paper with half-jotted notes strewn across my desk, stuffed in my multiple bags and/or placed randomly throughout the house. Sometimes the sorry notes get left to die in the car, office or coat pocket. Not a day goes by that I don't gasp in horror at the realization I have forgotten something. Most times this is an early warning stress system that reminds me to look for the scrap with said date and time on it. But sometimes, and trust me this is the worst, sometimes the gasp is accompanied with the frustrated "!?*$" as I discover I have doublebooked, missed a deadline, forgotten an appointment or spaced on a lunch date.

If I had a Blackberry my life would be instantly better...right? I once tried a Palm Pilot and an HP handheld, but the problem was if I wasn't breaking it, I was forgetting to keep it with me. But, the sweet, sweet Blackberry solves all of that. Since it doubles as my phone, I have a much less chance of forgetting it and if I misplace it, all I have to do is call!! As for the breakage, I can get an insurance policy!!

For months I lusted and for months Josh warned me of the inevitable disaster of wasting $300 on a broken/lost/destroyed piece of technology I would never really understand how to operate. He was right. I could not justify a $300 wash.

But today, the gods smiled upon me and led me to a free, yes you read right, free Blackberry on my carrier!! I was so excited I called Josh with the news. His reply was a wry laugh as he envisioned me fumbling about with this new-fangled phone. I filled out all the information, put in the entirety of my life history and personal identity, gave over the keys to my finances and was just about to sign when I realized I had to sign a two year contract! Two years!! I only wanted a new line for one year while I am doing organizing work!

I sighed, almost defeated....suddenly I wondered if maybe, just possibly, I could ask. It seemed simple though most likely not to work...but what the hell. I'll ask. In Nicaragua I learned that there is really never a firm "no." You just have to keep talking and eventually you can wear the person down...or at least in Nicargua you can.

So I called my provider and laid out my case. I needed the Blacberry. I mean I really needed it. The problem was I could not afford a two year contract. He could understand, right? Work comes and goes, life is unceratin, who knows what will happen tomorrow let alone in two years. I gave it my best drama-queen try..."Please sir, could I have a free Blackberry?"

And then, to my great surprise, he said, "Sure. I can do that for you."

"Wait, no strings attached? I don't have to sign my life away or promise to buy bad magazines or overpriced cds or apply for a mortgage I don't want? You are just going to give it to me for the price of adding one line to my plan?"

"Yes, ma'am"

I could hardly believe my ears! This was too good to be true...but it is! Not only does my new Blackberry arrive this week but I am well within, if not below, the budget for the work phone I planned to get anyway!!!

Now all I have to do is learn to use it!!

Birthday Surprise

After telling Josh for months I didn't want to celebrate my birthday, I changed my mind...yesterday. Even though I don't want a party I realized I needed a cake, a special dinner, flowers and a card to make it seem like it is really my birthday. After all, I have to spend half my birthday with the bishop and tomorrow I start back to the insanity schedule posted below.

I'm off to my meeting and Josh is off to plan an impromptu birthday surprise. My instructions are to wait for a text message with directions.

I'm glad we are celebrating after all.

NOTE: Any suggestions can be emailed to Josh. He may appreciate some since this is so last minute.

UPDATE: We went to Ginza for dinner last night, the restaurant where we had our first "date." (There was some confusion about whether or not it was a date at the time.) Afterwards we came home to yummy cake from Lyndell's. It was a fabulous birthday!

Let the Insanity Begin

Today starts a two week period of insane travelling and conferences. I leave this afternoon for a Reconciling Clergy meeting in DC which I am convening, followed by a three day celebratory conference for Methodist Federation for Social Action where I have to network to find 300 plus volunteers for trainings I will lead this summer. I return Sunday afternoon and head straight to church. The following week I have a meeting with my DS, a "retreat" with my bishop, a two day queer theology conference and a board meeting in Chicago. The insanity ends on Sunday when I fly back to Boston to lead worship in the evening.

Phew!

Wish me luck!

PS Oh, and not to mention, I inaugurate my "jesus year/crucifixion year" as I celebrate my 33rd birthday in the midst of all this work!

YouTube

Turns out I am on YouTube...go figure. This is from the Palm Sunday parade last week. I viewed it on my crappy, old computer without sound, so I have no idea if there is narration.

My job was to pray for "the city" using a list of topics. This was complicated by the fact that I did not have access to said list and I kept being interrupted by a police officer who was concerned about illegally parked cars. His constant whispering drowned out the other clergy making it impossible for me to know for what they had prayed. It was a leap of faith each time I spoke, hoping that I was just not repeating what someone else said. As the prayers wore on I was running out of ideas so I prayed for the gays, like I always do...how was I to know that a deal had been struck with the Baptists that we would not mention the "homosexuals?" Oops!

101

101 pages and counting and an Easter sermon to boot...

He's Not That Into You

An Open Letter to 11 Year Old Girls Everywhere:

My dear little ones, I want to introduce you to a new word...HOMOSEXUAL. A homosexual is someone who is attracted to members of the same gender identity. For example, a boy homosexual likes boys and a girl homosexual likes girls. Now trust me, there is nothing wrong with being homosexual. In fact, throughout history many important and famous people have themselves been part of this prestigious club.

The problem comes when well-meaning, sweet innocent things, perhaps not unlike yourselves, do not recognize the signs of homosexuality and are led into deep, passionate adolescent crushes that cause them to do silly, yet devastatingly dangerous things. It is easy to do, trust me. As a young girl growing up in the 70's (yes, that very long ago, dark age of disco), I too fell prey to the closeted homosexual and found myself madly in love with a star who would never return my affections. How was I to have known the man that wrote the songs to make this young girl cry first played them in a San Francisco bath house with the Divine Miss M.? Sad, but true, I had to accept the fact that I would never be his Man-dy.

So, please, for the love of God, stop voting for your favorite teenage idol. I know this may come as a shock to you, but someone has to break the news to you. It is high time you accept the fact that your number one singing sensation (and I mean that facetiously) is a homosexual. Don't be too upset. Being gay is okay. Celebrate his sexuality. Throw him a coming out party. Try to fix him up with that shy boy in your class...but whatever you do, please, please do not vote for him any longer.

The fact is, ladies, he is not that into you!

91 pages

91 pages and counting...

I will finish my dissertation. I will finish my dissertation. I will finish my dissertation.

Thank You, Jesus!

This Palm Sunday, in the midst of feeling pathetic and full of self-pity, I received the best compliment ever from a stranger.

The new church where CWM meets has a tradition of gathering with the other neighborhood churches for Palm Sunday. Together they parade into the town square led by a donkey borrowed from the Heifer Project (a la Jesus entering Jerusalem) and pray for the city. This was my first year participating and I was slightly nervous about the tone of the whole shindig. I was feeling particular pus-y (read like oozing with pus...no, it's not missing another "s") because I showed up way overly dressed for the occasion with my black suit, clerical collar and purple stole. Despite the instructions I had received from others, all the clergy (except for me) showed up in normal street garb...no collar, no stole, no nothing. I stuck out like a sore thumb!

After the service ended I was standing around waiting like magnet for press and for those who had no idea women could be clergy. In Boston, whenever I wear my collar I inevitably get comments from shocked bystanders who never cease to be amazed that I could be both female and clergy. (Though, there are some who can't put those two together and end up referring to me as "Father." No kidding.) As I waited for the questions, a really well-dressed, well-put-together, attractive, cool woman came up and grabbed my arm saying, "It is so good to see another foxy pastor woman!"

Foxy pastor woman! Excellent!

It turns out she too is clergy serving a local non-profit in the area. We laughed and lamented together about the sad, sorry state of clergywomen's fashion. I may have blogged about this in the past, but in general, when women become clergy there is some irrational, insane impulse that drives them to dress in one of two ways:

1. Androgynously Asexual: Imagine bland, polyester suits, sensible shoes like your father wore circa 1965, short hair, and a gain of at least 50 pounds if not more to hide any feminine curves that might appear.
   
2. Sickingly "Sweet": Imagine sweaters with kittens playing with a ball of yarn that dangles from the front or amorphous denim jumpers adorned only with some tacky, over the top dreamcatcher with feathers and beads (meant for one's home, not one's chest). Again, the weight gain, bad hair and plain shoes are requisite to the uniform.

Either type is known by the term "frumpy pastor woman." God help the woman who looks like a woman in the pulpit!! The Church's inability to deal with sexuality has led to this masking of women's bodies and very beings. You can't be both sexual (and of course, according to the Church, to be woman is to be inherently sexual) and a pastor (despite the fact that male pastors showcase their wives and children on a regular basis in local congregations...no sex involved there!).

There is nothing that pisses me off more than when women allow themselves to be co-opted by the patriarchy of the ecclesial institution to hide their bodies and sexuality. Before I became clergy I dressed, well, like someone who might appear on What Not To Wear or Extreme Makeover. It was only my utter hatred (and really, hatred is not too strong a word) of the frumpy (non)woman that compelled me to dress better. It is my goal in life never to succumb to the asexual image of so many of my colleagues. So, you can imagine how refreshing and exciting it was to hear someone affirm my ability to rise above the frumpiness fray and be classified as "foxy!"

Foxy, indeed!

NOTE: I am not alone in my quest for clerical style. Rev. Victoria Weinstein maintains a blog for her fashion-challenged colleagues over at Peacebang's Beauty Tips for Ministers.

The Soundtrack of My Life

I stole this from Teddy over at The Gideonse Bible after my first (and probably last) foray into digital music. It's the soundtrack to the movie of your life. It was the only consolation to the sad, sorry realization that my free 14 day trial on Rhapsody did not allow me to actually download music...that I would have to pay for. Once my trial is up, all my vast music library is gone. You can see I am not techno savvy after all.

So, before my one and only digital music library disappears, here is the soundtrack of my life.

Here's how you do it:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...
7. When you're finished tag some other people to do it!

Opening Credits: "Freakshow," Ani DiFranco

I suppose there could not be a more appropriate opening song than this....welcome to the freakshow! I love Ani...her honesty, rage and edge. What a good song to begin my story of radical revolution!

"life in the circus ain't easy
but the folks on the outside don't know
the tent goes up and the tent comes down
and all that they see is the show
and the ladies on the horses look so pretty
and the lions are looking real mad
and some of the clowns are happy
and some of the clowns are sad

but underneath
there's another expression
that the makeup isn't making
life under the big top
it's about freedom
it's about faking
there's an art to the laughter
there's a science
and there's alot of love
and compliance

welcome to the freakshow
here we go..."

Waking Up: "Murder By Numbers," The Police

Okay...so, this could be a bad omen...perhaps revolution takes the form of psychopathic, homicidal rage in this movie...gee, I hope not, but I could definitely imagine it happening. Perhaps this is an ode to Heathers. I suppose it could have been worse...Roxanne might have made an interesting waking song.

Once that you've decided on a killing
First you make a stone of your heart
And if you find that your hands are still willing
Then you can turn a murder into art

First Day of School: "Shed a Little Light," James Taylor

My conscientization began at an early age...

"Oh, let us turn our thoughts today
To martin luther king
And recognize that there are ties between us
All men and women
Living on the earth
Ties of hope and love
Sister and brotherhood"

Falling in Love: "I Still Believe in My Friends," The Nields

"I never wanted to be much of a martyr
Don't worry baby it can't get any harder,
Then it gets harder
And I can't carry you anymore
What doesn't kill you will make you stronger
I'm not dead yet so I must be stronger
Then it gets longer
Counting all the moments I can sit alone with you in the dark."

A depressing sort of love song...It gets better and more hopeful eventually. Perhaps this is a scene of falling in love while in the midst of high school angst with my best friend to whom I had been previously blind to our fated love connection. See any John Hughes film for examples. The Nields were another college love that got lost in the stacks until now.

First Song: "A Home" by the Dixie Chicks

Foreshadowing of the melancholic unlucky in love theme that will pervade this film...I was disappointed that this was the Chicks song that came instead of "Not Ready to Make Nice" which I think makes a very good theme song for my life!

"Not a night goes by
I don't dream of wandering
Through the home that might have been
And I listened to my pride
When my heart cried out for you
Now every day I wake again
In a house that might have been
A home"

Breaking Up: "I Feel the Blues Movin' In," Dolly Parton, Emmy Lou Harris, Linda Ronstadt

Shuffle and fate do make a good movie...a little bluegrass blues about cheating, lying, no-good partners. Gotta love Dolly!

"The last letter that you wrote was on a blue piece of paper
That old feelin's back the clouds are moving in
The beginning of the end is near I feel your love has faded
Into darkness it seems I have no friend I feel the blues movin' in"

Prom: "Out In the Cold," Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Well, it is a good dancing tune...though the lyrics suggest a horrible prom experience. I suppose this would not be so far off the truth remembering my own prom memories. I actually associate Tom Petty with road trips. It is really quite good driving music.

"I'm out in the cold (out in the cold)
Body and soul (out in the cold)
There's nowhere to go (out in the cold)
I'm out in the cold (out in the cold)"

Driving: "Don't Take Your Guns to Town," Charlie Robinson, cover of Johnny Cash.

Back to the murderous, rebellious rage first foreshadowed in my waking up at the beginning of the film. Obviously, this song is played as I am driving toward some climactic confrontation scene. The question is, do I heed the song or enact the sad, sorry tragedy of little ole Bill?

"Filled with rage then
Billy Joe reached for his gun to draw
But the stranger drew his gun and fired
Before he even saw
As Billy Joe fell to the floor"

Flashback: "Leeds," Indigo Girls.

A very reflective, melancholy memory of pain and loss surfaces...

"It's dark at four PM in Leeds the steeples pierce the skylight till the last of it bleeds
The absent sound of another day as it recedes into the shadows until it's nothing
Fax papers slipped under the hotel room door like food for the prisoner or the prospect to the whore. Well fed and halfway drunk I ache myself for more until I'm shadows of myself until I'm nothing"

Starting a New Relationship: "Big Beautiful Spoon," Poi Dog Pondering.

Just perfect! A sweet song of cuddly new love...particularly apt since I love to spoon! In fact, Josh and I spooned long before we ever dated. I love Poi Dog Pondering...it's one of those bands I listened to endlessly in college, only to be resurrected through my short lived foray into my online unlimited music library.

"Wrap around me and curl, you big beautiful spoon
The thought of your touch and smell just makes me swoon
When you lay me down, my heart is still as a pond
Together like two spoons until dawn."

Wedding: "Mountain Angel," Dolly Parton

Well, it looks like this marriage won't last long....

"She gave up everything for him that mattered in her life
All the others that had loved her and she vowed to be his wife
She dreamed of bearing children in an ivy-covered house
The mountain angel's sunshine turned to clouds
The wicked handsome stranger left the way he came
Broke her heart and broke her mind
She never was the same
They say he was the devil
That had come to steal her soul
She never loved another it was told"

Birth of Child: "Desperate Housewives Theme," Danny Elfman.

I am not sure how this song made it into my library. I don't even watch the show...though it is quite fitting.

Final Battle: "Woh, Don' You Know," James Taylor.

Despite all the early murderous musings, there is in fact no final confrontation...rather I just pack my bags and head off into the sunset.

"Listen here now, don't you come 'round
Talkin' bout over yonder
Bound to wake up the walkin' man in me
And I'm bound to wanderin'"

Death Scene: "Watershed," Indigo Girls.

Can't you just see me crossing over to the other side as this tune plays in the background? This is, in fact, one of my all-time favorite Girls tunes, coming in second only to Closer to Fine.

"Thought I knew my mind
Like the back of my hand
The gold and the rainbow
But nothing panned out as I planned
And they say only milk and honeys
Gonna make your soul satisfied
Well I better learn how to swim
Cause the crossing is chilly and wide"

Funeral Song: "One Big Love," Patti Griffin

A fitting goodbye ritual...

"I guess Im taking my chances
Giving up the ring throwing in the gloves
I guess Im taking my chances
Trading in my things for a couple wings on a
Little white dove"

End Credits: "All I Wanna Do," Sheryl Crow

A good, upbeat ending to what was a sad, depressing, yet committed life. After that summary, I hope this is not a reflection of life to come.

"All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one"

Remember the Communist Threat

Remember the Communist threat over at The Asphalt Playground...

Mission Accomplished

For nearly a year now I have been on a less than noble mission to obtain the ALIAS tv theme song as my ringtone. It began last spring as the show approached the end of it's five year run. I needed something to take with me, something to hold on to the magic that was Sydney and company. I also thought it would be wicked cool (as they say in MA) and would in some small way allow me to live in to my own fantasies of traveling the globe in sexy costumes while simultaneously kicking ass on the "bad guys" of the world. I could even play it to myself when I engaged in spy missions of my own...my friend Julie and I have some very interesting ideas for creating change in our denomination.

I became obsessed.

I spent hours on the Internet searching and searching, pouring over ALIAS fan chat sites (many of whom were also frustrated at their own inability to secure the theme for themselves). Twice I was so close I could taste it, but both times it turned out that either my carrier or phone were not compatible with the supplier's site.

For a while I gave up...depressed and defeated I settled for sub-optimal ringtones such as "VooDoo Woman" and the theme song from Charlie's Angels. Then, in a renewed wave of self-pity and dissertation desperation I began my search once again. I went to the ABC web store convinced they may have updated the site and added new phone models...but they had not.

In the past I had rejected the notion of needlessly buying a new phone in order to get the ringtone, but now, well, now things were different. I just had to have that ring tone. The only problem was that the phones ABC listed as compatible were all old models. I would have to search craigslist for used phones. And so I did. Miraculously, I found a slightly used Samsung e715, abandoned by its previous teenage owner for lack of a cool quotient (though she told her father it was b/c she could not dial long distance on that model....I contemplated telling him it was merely an adolescent ruse to get a cooler model, but didn't want to risk losing my one and only chance at ringtone happiness).

Having driven an hour and a half to get pick up the phone, I was ecstatic to finally have it in my hands. I immediately switched cards and put the new phone to my ear, feeling what it would be like to now have the phone of my dreams. I admit, it almost felt like I was cheating on a beloved, dear friend. My old, ALIAS-less cell phone lay on the car seat discarded. While the new phone was compatible with the ringtone, its buttons seemed cold and hard and it felt out of place in my palm. Nevertheless, there was no turning back now.

Racing home I went to the ABC site, punched in the code and waited for my ringtone to appear...I waited and waited and waited. Nothing. I then sent a text message begging for the tune and received the fateful, sad message: "ACCESS DENIED." I was crushed. This could not be. The website said my new/old e715 would be compatible. It had to work.

I waited days in sad hopelessness, but could not give up. I went to the T-Mobile store and embarrassed myself with the young salesperson who said with disdain, "Ma'am, I'm sorry. I don't know what this abc site is you're talking about." She suggested I let the card stay in my new phone for several hours and then try again.

I went home filled with hope...it would work this time. I waited the requisite 2 hours, went to the website and discovered that finally after over a year they had upgraded the website and all phones were now compatible. I felt cheated and horrible. I bought this crappy old phone for nothing??? I went ahead and sent it to the new phone anyway. Again, I waited and waited and waited. Nothing. Maybe, this old model is no longer compatible. So, I sent it to Josh's phone (same model as my original beloved). It worked! All I had to do was change the cards back and wait....victory was at hand.

But two days later, I waited and waited and waited and NOTHING. For some mysterious reason the web message could not get through to my phone, no matter how many times I tried.

God hated me.

But then, just when I almost succumbed to defeat I had the bright idea of switching cards with Josh and sending the ringtone to old beloved phone via his phone number. Josh was sure this would not work...but it did!! I actually did a little dance of joy around the house after hearing it ring for the first time!

Mission accomplished.

So if you want to make me happy, call me on my cell and imagine me dancing in to the tune of ALIAS.

PS I may not answer quickly since I now so enjoy my ringtone!